Sunday, June 19, 2005
Perhaps...Perhaps...Perhaps...
Looking bck at the past yr, many things happened in my life wch makes it all different now. And i tink i'm greatly influenced by the new way i live my days too.
In a nutshell, i tink differently & i bliv i behave differently.
But one thing dat i dun tink will ever change is the fact dat i still loathe birthdays.
It's not so much about getting older dat gets mi down. In fact, i duno y i feel depressed on bdays. When the clock struck 12 earlier on, my hart sank. It was almoz a natural thing. Something like an annually programmed biological clock.
And of coz..it continues to sink progressively as the tick-tock-tick-tock goes deeper into the day.
Perhaps i m worried dat the people whom i normally deem to be my bestest frenz or most loved ones mite 4get to wish mi...perhaps i m worried dat my fone will not even sound once when the clock strikes 12...perhaps i m worried being alone on dis day will make the loneliness even more unbearable...or perhaps i m just worried i wudn't have any plans to kip myslf occupied, wch happens almoz every year.
Wadever the reason, i hate birthdays very, very much.
And as much as i enjoy getting well wishes from frenz & family, i nvr figured exactly how to actly have a "happy birthday".
I guess the reason to have one sorta ceased to exist many years ago.
As far as i can remember, i recall having to take a bus alone & buy my own bday cake on one birthday & on another, the flavour of the cake chosen was the cake-chooser's favourite, n it happened to be my most disliked flavour.
I simply tot it was very pathetic & sad. And from then on, i refused to acknowledge any joy associated wif my birthday.
I cannot understand y people bother to make an effort to throw their own party & gather people whom dey barely noe well to attend it. Wudn't it defeat the purpose? The people shud plan the party for u...n not the other way round.
Just to feel popular? I guess.
But den again, it seems less wrong for mi to celebrate other folks' bday than to do my own.
Perhaps i m just not used to being in the limelight.
Perhaps dis can be termed as a new disorder in psychology & it will be named after me! So people who hate or have a phobia for birthdays like mi, dey can be classified as being Jayophrenic.
Perhaps on account of being coined, i will den get famous & rich...n den, i will live happily ever after, birthdays or no birthdays alike. ¶ J poppycocked at 1:43:00 AM
In a nutshell, i tink differently & i bliv i behave differently.
But one thing dat i dun tink will ever change is the fact dat i still loathe birthdays.
It's not so much about getting older dat gets mi down. In fact, i duno y i feel depressed on bdays. When the clock struck 12 earlier on, my hart sank. It was almoz a natural thing. Something like an annually programmed biological clock.
And of coz..it continues to sink progressively as the tick-tock-tick-tock goes deeper into the day.
Perhaps i m worried dat the people whom i normally deem to be my bestest frenz or most loved ones mite 4get to wish mi...perhaps i m worried dat my fone will not even sound once when the clock strikes 12...perhaps i m worried being alone on dis day will make the loneliness even more unbearable...or perhaps i m just worried i wudn't have any plans to kip myslf occupied, wch happens almoz every year.
Wadever the reason, i hate birthdays very, very much.
And as much as i enjoy getting well wishes from frenz & family, i nvr figured exactly how to actly have a "happy birthday".
I guess the reason to have one sorta ceased to exist many years ago.
As far as i can remember, i recall having to take a bus alone & buy my own bday cake on one birthday & on another, the flavour of the cake chosen was the cake-chooser's favourite, n it happened to be my most disliked flavour.
I simply tot it was very pathetic & sad. And from then on, i refused to acknowledge any joy associated wif my birthday.
I cannot understand y people bother to make an effort to throw their own party & gather people whom dey barely noe well to attend it. Wudn't it defeat the purpose? The people shud plan the party for u...n not the other way round.
Just to feel popular? I guess.
But den again, it seems less wrong for mi to celebrate other folks' bday than to do my own.
Perhaps i m just not used to being in the limelight.
Perhaps dis can be termed as a new disorder in psychology & it will be named after me! So people who hate or have a phobia for birthdays like mi, dey can be classified as being Jayophrenic.
Perhaps on account of being coined, i will den get famous & rich...n den, i will live happily ever after, birthdays or no birthdays alike. ¶ J poppycocked at 1:43:00 AM