Friday, December 10, 2004
How to Be a Corporate Bitch?
Counting down w.r.t the lvl of importance each factor contributes to the successful evolution...In ascending cruciality and descending numerical, I shall present to you Jay's Top 6 Rules to abide by if ur ambition is to become a Corporate Bitch.
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Number 6:
Own a closet full of pointed shoes made with sleak leather/shiny PVC/fancifully-imprinted croco skin patterns; all wif heels as thin as the thinest finger in the world and so elevated u dun walk, u peacock around.
Number 5:
Hails a cab to and fro the office everyday without fail, as well as to any other places u go, becoz u wun feel as "classed" if u hv to be a normal commuter on our public transport, for fear that ur power suit mite be stained/ crumpled/ stenched by the civilian commoners.
Number 4:
Grumbles to no end when u have to squeeze in the mrt or the bus and holds up a folded-into-quarter white tissue to your nose in crowds, while spotting the most disdained look on ur too-heavily-powdered face, even when the rest of the pp around u do not seem to be affected. U can also periodically flutter ur excessively mascara-coated lashes n let out tiny but audible "tsk" sounds just to show ur displeasure, impatience and misfit status openly.
Number 3:
Master & practise the art of Tai Chi whenever you sense work coming your way by acting v stressed or v occupied, when in fact you hv time to sms non-stop or chit-chat with your bf/gf/frens using the company's phone, especially when the manager is not around.
Number 2:
Be condescending to pp u hv authority over, especially to rookies and agents who rely on your contribution to their company. Act like u r the most senior person around and shoot pp the "Wad the heck do u noe??"-look when dey try to rebutt u or defend demsvles. If all else fails, u can alwaz count on the great art of Insinuation. Be as sarcastic as u can, so much so dat altho the derogatory meaning is not apparent, u leave pp wif a morale the size of a pea.
Number 1:
Be mean. Be Very mean. If a colleague is down, u step on him/her so dat u can tower over him/her from the top, n he/she can oni be contented to spot your nostrils seemingly growing bigger n bigger by the second, from below.
***Ding!Ding!Ding!***
Bonus Factor to Sure-Win-Situation:
Practise Number 1 again...UNDER WRAPS..so dat by the time the poor victim realises wad's gg on, it's probly also time for him/her to pack up.
*Disclaimer: The value of the numerical is in direct proportion to the amount of integrity remaining in the individual.
¶ J poppycocked at 11:16:00 PM
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Number 6:
Own a closet full of pointed shoes made with sleak leather/shiny PVC/fancifully-imprinted croco skin patterns; all wif heels as thin as the thinest finger in the world and so elevated u dun walk, u peacock around.
Number 5:
Hails a cab to and fro the office everyday without fail, as well as to any other places u go, becoz u wun feel as "classed" if u hv to be a normal commuter on our public transport, for fear that ur power suit mite be stained/ crumpled/ stenched by the civilian commoners.
Number 4:
Grumbles to no end when u have to squeeze in the mrt or the bus and holds up a folded-into-quarter white tissue to your nose in crowds, while spotting the most disdained look on ur too-heavily-powdered face, even when the rest of the pp around u do not seem to be affected. U can also periodically flutter ur excessively mascara-coated lashes n let out tiny but audible "tsk" sounds just to show ur displeasure, impatience and misfit status openly.
Number 3:
Master & practise the art of Tai Chi whenever you sense work coming your way by acting v stressed or v occupied, when in fact you hv time to sms non-stop or chit-chat with your bf/gf/frens using the company's phone, especially when the manager is not around.
Number 2:
Be condescending to pp u hv authority over, especially to rookies and agents who rely on your contribution to their company. Act like u r the most senior person around and shoot pp the "Wad the heck do u noe??"-look when dey try to rebutt u or defend demsvles. If all else fails, u can alwaz count on the great art of Insinuation. Be as sarcastic as u can, so much so dat altho the derogatory meaning is not apparent, u leave pp wif a morale the size of a pea.
Number 1:
Be mean. Be Very mean. If a colleague is down, u step on him/her so dat u can tower over him/her from the top, n he/she can oni be contented to spot your nostrils seemingly growing bigger n bigger by the second, from below.
***Ding!Ding!Ding!***
Bonus Factor to Sure-Win-Situation:
Practise Number 1 again...UNDER WRAPS..so dat by the time the poor victim realises wad's gg on, it's probly also time for him/her to pack up.
*Disclaimer: The value of the numerical is in direct proportion to the amount of integrity remaining in the individual.
¶ J poppycocked at 11:16:00 PM