Thursday, October 21, 2004
job hazards.
Bsides the chaotic situation at work everyday, my health is suffering! I've been consuming so much coffee i tink when u cut mi, coffee might ooze out from my wound! As much as i tink coffee is a beverage dat reeks eroticism n is divinely gastronomical, it is common sense dat coffee isnt exactly a harmless drink. In fact, caffeine is a drug dat perks u up by altering the pathways of some cells in ur brain so dat instead of feeling exhausted, u will be hyped. Can't reli rber the details oredi but i noe the more u drink, the more u wud b immune to it, the heavier the dosage required to have the same perking effect s time goes by. Unquenched addiction will thus lead to withdrawal symptoms such as drowsiness, exhaustion, lethargy, edgyness and possibly fatigue.
Word has it dat coffee is not good for the bones and is extremely dehydrating (dat's y u shud alwaz drink a cup of water after u consume coffee or tea). It is also not good for the heart n it makes u perspire much more. I also heard dat too much coffee drains your immune system away......which xplains y i'm falling sick every nite these days. 4 some reasons, dis few nites, my useless nose will itch n i'll sneeze relentlessly when dat happens n somewhat after the 3rd sneeze, the useless nose will promote to become a runny nose. The runny nose will then lead to a blocked nose n i'll hv to sniff so hard to breathe dat after the 5th major intake of oxygen, i'll get a splitting headache. When the head throbs, i canot tink n bcomes nothing less than a groggy zombie. When the zombie in mi takes over, i'll feel like sleeping n b4 i noe it, the morning will come soon n i'll hv to inch my way to Tanjong Pagar again. URGH. And yes i'm fighting the zombie in mi rite now s i type dis. *sniffs*
Anyway 2day the "Toiletbowl Man" (abbreviated 'TM') called n i was the suay one who picked up the call.
Dialogue:
Mi: "Good afternoon, (company's name), Jay speaking!"
TM: "Helo..may i be ur toiletbowl?" (in ah neh accented English, n a voice like he juz breathed in a tank of helium)
Mi: ".....!! I'm sorry??"
TM: "I said...can i be your toiletbowl n can u sell me your shit n urine?"
Mi: "No i can't.."
TM: "Why not?? Everyday u flush away y not sell mi your shit n urine??"
Mi: "Bcoz i duno u."
TM: "Which means if U noe mi, u will sell mi your shit n urine?"
Mi: ".....Mayb? R u willing to come down to my office then?"
TM: "How much money must i bring then??"
Mi: "I duno..."
TM: "Can u sell mi your shit n urine??" (he attempted to repeat the faeces n pee transactional conversation again apparently)
Mi: "Ok Bye." (*karp*)
Seconds later, he called again n my colleague, WS picked it up n after listening for like 5 secs...........
WS: ".........Thank u for calling! Bye." (*karp*)
Within 4 secs later, the phone rang again. TM again.
TM: (inaudible dialogue)
WS: "U want me to call the police??" (*karp*)
¶ J poppycocked at 10:29:00 PM
Word has it dat coffee is not good for the bones and is extremely dehydrating (dat's y u shud alwaz drink a cup of water after u consume coffee or tea). It is also not good for the heart n it makes u perspire much more. I also heard dat too much coffee drains your immune system away......which xplains y i'm falling sick every nite these days. 4 some reasons, dis few nites, my useless nose will itch n i'll sneeze relentlessly when dat happens n somewhat after the 3rd sneeze, the useless nose will promote to become a runny nose. The runny nose will then lead to a blocked nose n i'll hv to sniff so hard to breathe dat after the 5th major intake of oxygen, i'll get a splitting headache. When the head throbs, i canot tink n bcomes nothing less than a groggy zombie. When the zombie in mi takes over, i'll feel like sleeping n b4 i noe it, the morning will come soon n i'll hv to inch my way to Tanjong Pagar again. URGH. And yes i'm fighting the zombie in mi rite now s i type dis. *sniffs*
Anyway 2day the "Toiletbowl Man" (abbreviated 'TM') called n i was the suay one who picked up the call.
Dialogue:
Mi: "Good afternoon, (company's name), Jay speaking!"
TM: "Helo..may i be ur toiletbowl?" (in ah neh accented English, n a voice like he juz breathed in a tank of helium)
Mi: ".....!! I'm sorry??"
TM: "I said...can i be your toiletbowl n can u sell me your shit n urine?"
Mi: "No i can't.."
TM: "Why not?? Everyday u flush away y not sell mi your shit n urine??"
Mi: "Bcoz i duno u."
TM: "Which means if U noe mi, u will sell mi your shit n urine?"
Mi: ".....Mayb? R u willing to come down to my office then?"
TM: "How much money must i bring then??"
Mi: "I duno..."
TM: "Can u sell mi your shit n urine??" (he attempted to repeat the faeces n pee transactional conversation again apparently)
Mi: "Ok Bye." (*karp*)
Seconds later, he called again n my colleague, WS picked it up n after listening for like 5 secs...........
WS: ".........Thank u for calling! Bye." (*karp*)
Within 4 secs later, the phone rang again. TM again.
TM: (inaudible dialogue)
WS: "U want me to call the police??" (*karp*)
*****************************************************************
Apparently when i started working there, my co-workers hv oredi warned mi about dis legendary figure. He will occasionally ring us up to say "Can i be your toiletbowl?" to whoever is suay enuff to pick up the fone. Psycho ey? Anyway i told my mgr abt it n she laffed like siao...wch was a funny sight s i tot she lost quite abit of her composure when she screeched in maniac guffaws. O did i mention TM is an ah neh oredi????
Just for the record, if we r to consider the stupid things ah nehs r capable of doing, we probly wud'nt hv anymore time left to consider other more impt matters for s long s...ermmm....ever again.
¶ J poppycocked at 10:29:00 PM