against all odds. The woes of being unemployed is bck to haunt mi. It subsided a while when i took up tutoring, a job i once tot i wud nvr do bcoz of my self-perceived inability to be patient wif kids. Of coz i succumbed to reality due to practical reasons...it's difficult to suddnly fall into rags when all along i hv been living somewhat extravagantly, at least by my standards.

I'm blue bcoz it's one of those days where pp around u r constantly enquiring abt ur status i.e. u must either be studying, wrking, married, retired or dead. Apparently i dun fall into any of such standard categories for i'm not studying, not wrking, not married, not retired n definitely not dead, altho stimes my mum's relentless comparisons wif the hairdressing auntie's kids make mi wish i rather be... The immediate sympathetic change in intonation when pp realise i'm still not making money is fucking irritating may i add...It's not like i'm on my knees tugging at their clothes begging for some food can?! I may not be earning big bucks, or anything for dat matter, but i definitely am not needing anybody's sympathy.

My bro juz forcefully told mi i m not sending enuff resumes out n dat i shd juz go for any jobs i qualify for, so dat i can get interviewing experiences. Ok fair enuff, but i wud rather try gettg jobs I LIKE 1st, before gg to interviews for jobs i m barely interested in, n den reject their offer if dey finally decide to use mi. It's a fucking waste of mine n others' time i tink. Of coz i mite b wrong n u may totally disagree wif mi, but it is dat way to mi u c? Bsides, i didnt wait so many months juz to do wad everybody did, i could hv jolly well done dat many freakin' months ago n do away wif all my dreams n aspirations for the larger good.

Mo told mi i shd juz try out other jobs s well, n dat most pp dun get to do wad dey like, dat's y dey say it's lucky if u like ur job (so i shd b contented wif any decent-paying job for now?). i guess wad he's tryg to tell mi is to quit being so picky. I understand his gd intentions of coz, but i rather try my hand at jobs dat interest mi 1st, b4 falling bck in line wif the rest of my peers if i m overcome by circumstances eventually. I must say it reli isn't ez walking the route i picked when half of the world xpects mi to be wrking oredi n the other half bz showering mi wif pity stares n sympathetic head bobbings all the time. I cud reli use more support n understanding now.

Tok abt fulfilling obligations. Juz realised another childhood fren, my age, is wedded n pregnant. Even the conversation at the kopi table juz now revolves ard marriage, future living arrangements n saving up for a flat. It got worse when dey started advising mi to start saving up now even if i hv to stay wif my in-laws coz i shd own a HDB s well so i can shuffle b/w the 2 houses n dey started analysing stg abt in dis way i cud make a profit after 5 yrs......of wch i stopped listening say abt 17 secs ago.

Mayb after all the whining, i mite wake up 2mr n embark on the same road millions hv walked before mi, mayb i'm just making a mountain out of a molehill n mayb i'm still dreaming of the impossible. But rite now, I wish time wud come to a stand-still so i cud juz walk to anywhere i wan n do anytg i like, n not hving to worry abt my future. I oso wish the notion of "Just bcoz everyone else is doing it, i shd be doing it too" wud stop disturbing mi. Coz it's frickin' daunting.




  ¶ J poppycocked at 1:12:00 AM